How to Swedify Yourself in 10 Steps: A Guide
ett (one)
Start interjecting vocal sounds like “mmmm”, a questioning “ååååh?” or a surprised “oy-doh!” into normal conversations.
två (two)
Eat jam on your cheese and on your pancakes or waffles (no syrup).
tre (three)
Use “bra” (good), “fart” (speed) and “slut” (end) in the same sentence without giggling.
“Det var bra fart på bilen tills bensinen tog slut.” (The car went at a good speed until it ran out of gas.)
fyra (four)
Drive a Volvo.
fem (five)
Remember that “fan” is a swear word, not an admirer or an air conditioner.
sex (six)
Eat “mos” (mash) on your “korv” (sausage).
Choose from an assortment of mash on your sausage or get them all, wrapped in flatbread (“Tunnbrödsrulle”).
sju (seven)
Learn to love salty licorice and “surströmming”.
“Surströmning” is fish that is fermented in a can. It produces one of the strongest smells in all of world cuisine and, like licorice covered in salt, is most definitely an acquired taste.
åtta (eight)
Learn how to fix herring in 105 different ways.
nio (nine)
Learn how to pick out the real blondes from the fake blondes.
tio (ten)
Your new favorite pastime: sitting in a super-hot sauna with a bunch of naked strangers (or friends) and then jumping into the icy water.